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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26958937">Not to plan</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Orangepenguin24/pseuds/Orangepenguin24'>Orangepenguin24</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Chicago Fire</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Adoption, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 19:21:22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,050</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26958937</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Orangepenguin24/pseuds/Orangepenguin24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Matt and Kelly’s life isn’t exactly like the one they’d dreamt of years ago but that doesn’t mean it isn’t perfect in it’s own special way.</p><p> </p><p>One shots of Matt and Kelly’s life together.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Matthew Casey/Kelly Severide</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>42</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Not an easy life</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hi, I hit a wall temporarily  with my other works. So I thought I’d try something a little different and just write a short happy one shot.</p><p>TW- brief mentions of homophobia </p><p>Hope you enjoy.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kelly slowly opened the front door of his house careful to not make too much noise. It was late , a lot later than he intended to get home but it had been a very rough day. He’d spent the day at the hospital with the rest of fifty one after a horrendous shift. The house fire they’d attended had taken a drastic turn for the worst leaving many of them injured but thankfully nothing life threatening. But it had left them shaken, close calls always did, they were a reminder of how suddenly things could end. However close calls didn’t fill Kelly up with fear as badly as they used to, because the person he loved more than anything was no longer stood beside him when things went wrong. The lieutenant working beside him was no longer the love of his life. It had been nearly ten years since Matt had swapped being a firefighter for caring for their children. Their youngest Jamie required a little extra help and stability, he needed someone who’d be there every night. As well as being there for Jamie it meant they never had to worry about a horrible accident leaving their children all alone in the world. Kelly knew how much being a firefighter had meant to Casey but their family meant more to him. Kelly had offered to quit but Matt had been insistent that he stayed at fifty one which was  something Kelly was eternally grateful for. Matt had quickly adapted to his new reality, he spent his days taking small construction jobs so he could be home when Jamie got back from school. Their life wasn’t a walk in the park but Kelly wouldn’t change it for the world. </p><p>Kelly slipped off his boots and jacket as he glanced at the kitchen, judging by the dirty plates and cups on the side waiting to be washed it had been a busy day. He knew how much Matt hated to leave chores undone, but as Kelly often tried to remind him sometimes life gets in the way. They’d both grown as both people and parents over the years, parenthood had changed them in ways they’d never expected. Their life wasn’t the life they’d planned all those years when they sat on the roof of fifty one smoking cigars between calls but that didn’t mean it wasn’t wonderful. They’d always spoken about maybe having kids some day but it had always been a complicated subject, adoption had always seemed right to both men but it had also been an option that filled them with fear.  They were unfortunately used to facing backlash for their relationship but they weren’t sure how they felt about risking exposing a child to that hate. But after taking care of the Darden boys while Heather was in prison they realised just how incomplete there family was. They decided that their love and kindness would be enough to overcome the homophobia they frequently faced. At first they fostered children short term, a child never stayed with them longer than six months . Until one shift they were called to a devastating car accident, the parents had died on impact leaving two young children behind . A five year old girl named Jessie who clung onto Kelly after he pulled her from the vehicle and little two year old Jamie. The toddler had sobbed his heart out until exhaustion took its toll and he ended up falling asleep in Matt’s arms. From that moment on the two men had vowed to protect and look after the two frightened children. Their life since then hadn’t exactly been smooth sailing and they still faced many challenges but their life was filled with a happiness many people never got to experience.</p><p> </p><p>A smile graced his lips when his eye’s landed on the heartwarming scene in the living room. The tv was playing the end credits of Finding Nemo for what must have been the millionth time but the volume had been turned all the way down, Kelly guessed the reason for that was the boy lying on Matt fast asleep , a thick blue blanket draped was over them and Matt’s arm was tightly wrapped around Jamie, pressure and warmth had always helped bring the boy comfort. To many people’s surprise the twelve year old was an extremely tactile person, he loved being wrapped up in thick blankets and wearing warm sweaters but most of all he loved being hugged. However his sister was a different case as she’d gotten older she believed she was too mature for their hugs and movie nights. The teenaged girl was curled up on the opposite end of the couch, with their loyal golden retriever Bruce resting in her lap. Kelly knew close calls hit her as hard as they did Matt, he wondered how she took the news that he was in the hospital. He’d called Matt earlier in the day to tell him he was safe but in Chicago med because he normally picked Jamie up from school. Kelly guessed the evening had played out like all the other times he’d ended up in Chicago med. Jamie would struggle with the change in routine and get increasingly distressed as the day went on until he’d finally snap, where as Jessie would try her best to remain stoic and  she wouldn’t let her facade slip until Kelly was home. Regardless of the fact Kelly was perfectly fine he knew the evening would have been tough on them. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey” whispered Kelly as he sat down in front of Matt being extra careful not to make any loud noises, getting Jamie to sleep was difficult on a normal night and once he’d finally fallen asleep they did their best to make sure he didn’t wake up too soon. In fact Kelly was pretty sure Matt would end up spending all night lead on the couch with Jamie. It wasn’t worth trying to move him.  Matt looked up and gave him a warm smile, Kelly could practically feel the relief radiating off the other man. <br/>“Rough day?” Asked Kelly knowingly, they both tried their best to make sure Jamie fell asleep in his own bed  no matter how challenging it could be to get him to stay there, him falling asleep on the couch was a clear sign a melt down had occurred.<br/>“I should be asking you that, Jamie got upset when you didn’t come home”, as Matt spoke Kelly could here the tiredness weighing down his tone, he knew it would have been an extremely stressful evening for the blonde. Despite calling Matt earlier he knew the blonde wouldn’t have relaxed until he saw he was fine with his own eyes. If it wasn’t for Jamie Matt would’ve gone racing to the hospital. But Jamie would never have coped with the loud noises and busy waiting room ; leaving him at home with someone else would have ended poorly just like any other disruption to the boy’s routine.<br/>“Sorry” croaked Kelly. Guilt engulfed his heart as he thought about he pain Matt would be forced to endure if one day he didn’t come home. It was the thing that kept him up at night, the one thing that had made him consider leaving fifty one. But every time he remembered the faces of the people he’d saved and he knew in his heart he was doing the right thing. And he remembered the time when Jessie was eleven years old she stood up in front of class and proclaimed she wanted to help people just like he did.  Having her blessing meant he no longer jumped in the squad engine with a lump in his throat. <br/>“It’s not your fault, how is everyone else doing ?”, as Matt spoke he reached out with his free hand and gently caressed Kelly’s cheek, it was as if Matt was checking he wasn’t a figure of his imagination. <br/>“They’re ok, Cruz will be out for a month or two with a broken arm, Otis had a concussion and Capp had a few minor burns but everyone’s going to be just fine”.<br/>“What about you?” Matt asked his eyes sparkling with concern, and Kelly understood he wasn’t talking about physical injuries. Kelly leant over and placed a kiss on Matt’s lips before pulling away.<br/>“I’m just happy to be home”. He then sat himself down in the old lounge chair in the corner of the room, it wasn’t nearly as comfortable as his bed but being close to his family was worth the ache he’d inevitably get in his back.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p>The feeling of a weight lifting off him rose Matt from his sleep, his body ached from sleeping in such an awkward position, but he supposed it was better than exhaustion from staying awake with Jamie all night. The boy was now wide awake and lying on the floor next to Bruce. The boy and the dog had a bond that never ceased to amaze Matt. Bruce had been able to comfort Jamie even when he was a frightened two year old. The pooch had always been good with children when Matt and Kelly had fostered children in the past but his bond with Jamie and Jessie was like no other. Bruce was often able to calm Jamie or at least help him start to recover after a tough day, And he never failed to bring Jessie out of her shell. The golden retriever currently had his head rested on Jamie as the boy fiddled with an old Rubix cube that used to be Jessie’s. He never completed it or even tried but he was mesmerised by the bright colours and the way the patterns changing when he twisted the different rows. Matt’s attention was pulled away from Jamie as he heard soft noises coming from Jessie as she began to come round, her brother moving must have woken her up too.<br/>“Good morning Jessie”, <br/>“Too early” mumbled the girl before stumbling to her feet and padding towards the stairs causing Matt to chuckle, she’d never been a morning person unlike Jamie who somehow could survive on as little as four hours sleep. It really had caused problems over the years, the only reason Jamie had slept as long as he had that night was because he’d exhausted himself the previous day. <br/>“Good morning Jamie” greeted Matt as he sluggishly pushed himself off the sofa.<br/>“Good morning , good morning, good morning” repeated Jamie from his place on the floor. A few seconds later Kelly appeared holding out a cup of coffee. Instantly Jamie jumped to his feet and wasted no time in running into Kelly, he gripped tightly onto the dark haired man as Kelly soothingly rubbed the boys back with his spare hand. Swiftly Matt took the mug off Kelly to allow him to give the boy a proper hug. It was likely Jamie would cling onto Kelly now for the rest of day and never let him out of his sight, but Matt doubted that Kelly minded. </p><p>-</p><p>After a brief conversation with Kelly Matt snuck off upstairs to quickly get changed while Kelly started breakfast. Once he returned to the kitchen he found Jamie sat at the dining table happily eating pancakes. His taste palate wasn’t very diverse and they often struggled finding things for him to eat but pancakes had always been a big hit with him.<br/>“Jamie do you want to show Kelly what you made yesterday at school?” Asked Matt as he sat down next to the content boy, he still seemed tired and quieter than usual but other than that he seemed to have recovered from the events of the previous day. At Matt’s words Jamie leapt out of his chair and rushed over to his school bag and retrieved something small.<br/>“Fire engine” smiled the boy as he placed the item on the counter in front of Kelly. It was a small box that had been painted red, a few buttons had been stuck on the sides for wheels and a ladder had been drawn on with a black pen. The extra little details had been added on by George who was Jamie’s helper at school but that didn’t matter to either of the men. They were proud of Jamie, sitting still and focusing had never been his strong suit, but yet every inch of the box was covered in red paint and he’d even added blue for the sirens. Matt knew many people looking into their lives wouldn’t understand the things they celebrated, they wouldn’t see Jamie painting a box or picking out his own clothes as an accomplishment but Matt didn’t care. To him the small fire engine was more valuable than any first place trophy. Because the world was different for Jamie and he faced challenges others could never understand. So every personal milestone he reached Matt and Kelly would always be there to celebrate. There were many things that most people did that Jamie never would do and that was ok. He was a happy boy who brightened up the lives of the people around him; that was all Matt and Kelly cared about.<br/>“Wow this is brilliant Jamie, it’s just like the one at fifty one” praised Kelly as he picked up the cardboard model. When Kelly went to hand the model back Jamie frowned before shaking his head gently. <br/>“No, desk please” insisted the boy causing Kelly to furrow his brow, Matt watched with a similar look of confusion as he tried to decipher the meaning of the boy’s words. Then finally a lightbulb lit up in Matt’s brain. <br/>“Desk? Do you want Kelly to put it on his desk at fifty one?” Asked Matt, <br/>“Desk please” confirmed the  boy as he nodded eagerly. Matt smiled as he watched the joyful expression on Jamie’s face when Kelly slipped the model into his jacket pocket. Jamie really did bring pure happiness into their lives, </p><p>Once breakfast was finished and Jessie had joined them downstairs Matt turned his attention to their plans for the day. <br/>“Where do you want go today Jamie, do you want to go to the park or the library?”,<br/>“Fire house, go see Capp and Tony” replied Jamie. Kelly grabbed the laminated schedule pinned on the fridge and placed it  in front of Jamie before pointing to the day, all the days Kelly was at the firehouse were marked with a little fire engine sticker, pictures were the best way to communicate with the teen.<br/>“No Firehouse see, but we can go to the library or the park”,<br/>“Go to Park with Bruce” responded Jamie as he bounced happily in his seat. <br/>“Come on then lets go get you ready while Matt clears up”. Lots of people found it strange how Jamie and Jessie called them by their names but neither of the men minded. When she first came to live with them Jessie hadn’t felt comfortable calling them anything else after just loosing her parents, and at the time Jamie still hadn’t started talking yet. When Jessie did start calling them Dad and Daddy it had completely confused Jamie and after a few months of struggling they finally decided to go back to referring to themselves by their first names. What most people didn’t understand was that they didn’t need to be called dad or daddy to know how much they meant to Jamie and Jessie. </p><p>“Are you coming to the park Jessie?” Asked Kelly before he followed Jamie upstairs, the boy had already take off with Bruce hot on his heels. <br/>“If I must” sighed Jessie before breaking out in a smirk. The girls sense of humour never failed to put a smile on their faces, she reminded them of Andy in a way but she was significantly more mature. She was an sister to Jamie and they were both proud of the young woman she was becoming, even though it was hard to let go of their little girl. She’d sacrificed a lot over the years but never once complained. To help her give her a break she’d stay with Shay every other week, the blonde paramedic had become a mother figure to Jessie over the years. Matt didn’t know what they would have done without her. </p><p> </p><p>About an hour later they found themselves stood outside in the fresh air. Jamie was a few feet in front of them running around with Bruce and throwing the dogs tennis ball back and forth, he didn’t have the best aim and the ball never went very far but Bruce didn’t seem to mind.  Meanwhile Jessie was watching with a bright smile as she took photos of her brother, they’d brought her a camera a little while ago and she’d treasured it ever since. Jessie loved taking photos more than anything which was a trait she’d gotten from Matt. The blonde had no photo’s from his own childhood and it was something he often longed for on the days he found himself missing his parents. So Matt did his best to ensure  his children would always have photos to look back at. After a tough day Kelly often found Matt and Jessie flicking through the photo albums he’d had made over the years. Many of the photos were actually from their many trips to the park, the peaceful spot had become somewhere they always felt safe. It was calm enough for Jamie and there were never any big crowds, Jessie loved the fresh air and it was somewhere they could bring Bruce. It was their little of piece of heaven on earth.</p><p>Kelly watched their two children with a warm glow in his chest, he felt extremely lucky to be around to be able to watch them grow. But most importantly he was comforted by the knowledge that if anything did happen to him they’d be in good hands, because he was married to the most wonderful person in the world. He wrapped an arm around Matt before softly whispering in his ear, <br/>“I love you” .<br/>“I love you too, I’m so lucky to have you” replied Matt as he leant into the warm embrace.<br/>“We’re both lucky”. <br/>They were the two luckiest men in the world.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Long nights</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kelly tries to get through the week without his usual partner in crime.</p><p>This takes place two years before the previous chapter.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi, I still have a bit of writers block with my other stories. I thought I’d add a random little chapter to this story to help my mind stay active. </p><p> </p><p>Sorry for any mistakes, I proofread a lot but I often miss things, any advice welcome.</p><p>Hope you enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Suddenly Kelly felt his mind being pulled out of a deep sleep, he could vaguely register the feeling of someone gentle tapping his shoulder, slowly he peeled open his eyes; he felt his heart clench at the figure in front of him. Jamie was stood by the side of the bed with tears streaming down his face. Immediately Kelly sat himself up and held his arms out for the boy.Jamie wasted no time in climbing up onto the bed and allowing himself to be pulled into a warm embrace. Kelly gently rocked the boy back and forth as he waited for him to calm down. But Kelly already had a pretty good idea as to why he was so upset. Matt had been away for nearly a week and Jamie was really struggling with the blonde’s absence. Casey had never left Jamie and Jessie for more than a couple of days before. It didn’t help that Matt’s departure had been a one sudden meaning they had no chance to prepare Jamie. </p><p>-</p><p>They’d been sitting on the couch watching tv one evening after a long tiring day when Matt received a call from an unfamiliar number. It turned out to be a friend of Matt’s mother bearing the news that Nancy had suffered from a heart attack and was in critical condition. The blonde had headed down there as fast as he could. Kelly had offered to go with him but they both agreed that Kelly was needed more at home with Jamie and Jessie. As much as he wished he could be there to comfort Matt Kelly was secretly relieved he’d stayed at home, he didn’t think he could pretend to care about Nancy not even for a second, after all the pain she’d put Matt through he knew he wouldn’t be able to utter a single kind word to her. She hadn’t been there for Matt during his childhood which was something that wasn’t entirely her fault, but she hadn’t been there for him in adulthood either. In fact Kelly doubted she’d be able to recognise Jamie and Jessie, the woman refused to have anything to do with them as in her words they weren’t her grandchildren. Despite his hatred towards the woman Kelly wished with all his that heart she would survive. The last time Matt had spoken to his mother it had ended in a huge argument, Kelly knew Matt would never forgive himself if that turned out to be his last interaction with his mother. He knew Matt had a tendency to carry around way too much guilt. He remembered how Andy’s death had almost destroyed Matt, Kelly didn’t want to watch the love of his life go through so much pain again.<br/>
-</p><p>After a few minutes Jamie’s sobbing began to ease and be snuggled his head into Kelly’s shoulder.<br/>
“When’s Matt back?”mumbled the boy his usually soft voice hoarse from crying. Kelly simply held the boy closer as he made gentle shushing noises ; to distract from the fact he had no idea when Matt would be back. Nancy was still in critical condition and her chances weren’t looking too good. But Kelly didn’t think Matt could last much longer, he was struggling with the distance between them as much as Jamie was. Earlier in the day Matt had finally found a spare moment to step away from his mother and call them, Jamie wasn’t good on the phone but he could manage a few minutes on FaceTime and Jessie could talk for hours anyway. Unfortunately it was right after Boden had picked up the the children and taken them back to his house for an hour or two. At the news that the kids weren’t there Matt had burst into tears sending a jolt of sadness through Kelly, he would’ve done anything to hold the blonde as he sobbed, he wished he could take away Matt’s pain. All he could was reassure Matt by telling him stories about everything their children had been up to that day and remind him that they would be together again soon.<br/>
“Not long until he comes back buddy I promise” assured Kelly as he carded his fingers through the boys dark brown hair. Even though it had been six days Jamie was just as devastated as he was the first night Matt had been absent. And Kelly didn’t expect the boys distress to end until Matt returned home. Kelly had an incredibly strong bond with Jamie but Matt was the boys main care giver, he was the person Jamie spent the most time with.<br/>
“Want him back” sobbed Jamie as he clung onto Kelly, his hand grabbing a fistful of Kelly’s t-shirt so tightly his knuckles were beginning to turn white,<br/>
“Me too buddy”. </p><p>Eventually Jamie was overcome by exhaustion and he fell back to sleep in Kelly’s arms. The  firefighter then carefully manoeuvred the boy so he was lying beside him with his head rested on Matt’s pillow, he then draped the tick duvet over them. When Kelly awoke in the morning he found Jamie fast asleep holding onto his sister. At some point in the night Jessie must have woken up and gone to check on her brother, like she did most nights after Jamie had a rough day , when she noticed he was missing she must have come straight to his room. Kelly was proud of her, Jessie’s love for Jamie never ceased to amaze him. Despite the fact she was struggling she was still looking out for Jamie. Even though they weren’t their biological children Kelly often saw Matt in Jessie especially in times like this when she was looking after Jamie. Kelly would never understand how he got so lucky to have such a beautiful family. </p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>After two horrendous weeks away Matt padded up the stairs with a heavy heart, the house was shrouded in darkness a clear sign of the late hour. His body ached with exhaustion and he couldn’t wait to sleep in his own bed with Kelly by his side. And most of all he couldn’t wait to see Jessie and Jamie in the morning. He never wanted to be away from them again, he’d felt like a part of him had been missing the entire time he was gone. He never wanted to leave them and Kelly behind in the first place, but taking them with him hadn’t really been an option. However Matt hadn’t been completely alone,Christie had been by his side the entire time. Her support was the only reason he’d managed to stay by his mother’s bedside, at night they took shifts sitting by their mother’s bedside and when the time came to say goodbye they’d kept each other from falling apart.  That had only  been eight hours ago and his mother’s death still hadn’t sunk in. He’d return next week with Kelly and the kids for the funeral but for now he just wanted to be with his family, the one that never him feel like he wasn’t good enough. He missed his mum, not the one that had been lying in a hospital bed for the past two weeks or even the one who had been sentenced to prison, he missed the mother that used to read him bedtime stories and tuck him at night, but she had disappeared decades ago. </p><p>Slowly Matt opened his bedroom door and his heart filled with an overwhelming happiness. Kelly was fast asleep and balancing precariously on the edge of the bed, while Jamie was sprawled out awkwardly in the middle and Jessie was curled up by the side of him. Matt let out a small chuckle as he realised Jamie was lying upside down with his game console loosely gripped in his hand, Kelly must have allowed him to bring it to bed in order to keep him calm. Unfortunately as he stepped closer toward the bed he forgot about one of the loose floor boards and a loud creak rippled through the room, before Matt fully understood what was happening Jamie was out of bed and hurdling into his arms. Matt was practically lifting Jamie off the floor as he clung onto the boy,<br/>
“Your back” cried Jamie as he pressed his head against Matt’s shoulder . Casey soothingly rubbed circles on his back as he whispered softly in his ear,<br/>
“I’m back buddy, I’m not going anywhere”.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope you enjoyed.<br/>No one asked for this story but it’s very fun to write.<br/>Any criticism or suggestions welcome.</p><p>Thank you for reading, have an awesome day.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. A rough day</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>“Is that my sweater?”</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi, I’ve really struggled writing the past week. I found it impossible to add to my other stories so I wrote this little one shot based on a prompt I read. But my proof reading isn’t very good right now sorry.</p><p>I hope you enjoy, any advice welcome.</p><p>Thank you for reading.</p><p> </p><p>Mentions of Canonical death</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Three hours, Matt only had to survive three more hours on his own until Jamie and Jessie returned home. He needed them home, he needed a distraction. Matt stood in the kitchen looking around eagerly for something to do. He needed to do something to ignore the horrible sadness in his heart, his chest was aching and felt as if any second he was going to crumple into a heap on the floor. A tiny part of him was also annoyed, he’d done everything he could to avoid being left alone on his own. He knew how this day played with his mind, Which was why he’d done everything he could to ensure he would be busy all day. He’d booked a construction gig one that was a lot of work and would take him the next two days. Unfortunately just after dropping Jamie off at school , the customer called Matt and rescheduled. Casey had been extremely annoyed by the news and he had spent every moment since searching for something to keep him occupied. He’d already cleaned the kitchen and living room, he was starting to run out of things to do. It didn’t help that he was moving at fast pace, he barely allowed himself chance to breathe he couldn’t stop moving. He had to keep active to prevent his mind from replaying one of the worst days of his life. </p><p>Deciding there was nothing more to do downstairs he headed upstairs and to his bedroom, he began sorting through his wardrobe but he quickly realised he didn’t have many things to organise. Growing up he’d never had many things and while living in his own he often struggled to pay the rent let alone buy clothes or other things, even now he never spent much money on himself ; he didn’t need to, he had everything he needed. Casey was about to close the closet door when a dark blue item caught his eyes, Kelly’s old sweater. He reached out and held it in his hands, his fingers toyed with the fabric as he began to study the item as if he’d never seen it before. The fabric wasn’t as soft as it used to be and the rich dark blue colour had started to fade, but if anything that made Matt love it even more. Instinctively the blonde pulled the sweater over his head and took in a deep breath inhaling the faint scent of his partner. Matt remembered a time when Kelly practically lived in the blue article of clothing. As he soaked in the warmth of the sweater he allowed his mind to drift to one of his fondest memories. At the start of his and Kelly’s relationship when it had become more than just a fling they took a trip with Andy and heather to the lake. He remembered sitting outside gazing at the stars with Kelly’s arms wrapped around him, and as the night drew on he nuzzled his face into the blondes shoulder. For the first time he felt completely safe, he didn’t have a single doubt in his mind that Kelly would never hurt him, he had felt as if he was in his own little piece of heaven and nothing could ever go wrong. Over a decade had passed since then and they’d been through more pain than Matt had ever thought possible. The blonde was older now and a little bit more broken but he wasn’t alone. Kelly couldn’t shield him from the atrocities of the world but he was always there to remind Matt that there was still good in the world, that there were still reasons to keep going. Some days Matt couldn’t shake the feeling hat he wasn’t good enough, that Jamie and Jessie would be better off without him, but Kelly never failed to reassure him that he was exactly where he needed to be. He had a family and he was loved. </p><p>He still had over two hours left to go so Matt found himself moving onto Jamie’s closet. Matt wasn’t even going to step foot in Jessie’s room, he respected the teenagers privacy. But Jamie would never be able to keep himself organised, if Matt sat with him and asked him to help sort things into piles of what he like and didn’t like Matt knew Jamie would be left with a few fleece jumpers,  and his pyjamas. Clothes was always a difficult battle, Jamie didn’t like anything too loose, he hated rough materials and the way tags sewn into clothing would rub against his skin. They did their best to find clothes he was comfortable in but there was only a few items the boy truly loved. But Matt needed to keep some of the others items for the days Jamie’s favourites were in the wash or simply not practical. Methodically Matt went through all the brightly coloured clothes and placed the ones that he knew Jamie had outgrown into a plastic bag; he’d drop the items off at the local church on his way to pick up Jamie later in the day.</p><p>Matt paused when the sound of the front door being opened caught his attention, a few moments later he heard someone calling out his name.<br/>
“Kel I’m in Jamie’s room” he yelled out, he then heard the familiar creak of the stairs and a few moments later he looked up to Kelly was smiling at him as he leant against the doorframe.<br/>
“Hey what are you doing back?” He asked hoping Kelly hadn’t lost his cool at work, he’d urged the man to stay home but Kelly had  insisted on working.<br/>
“Boden gave me the rest of shift off”,<br/>
“Something happened?”,<br/>
“Nothing you need to worry about, I uh I think he could tell my head wasn’t in the right place”. Kelly whispered the last part and Matt knew he wasn’t going to get a better explanation any time soon. But he didn’t mind, in fact he was grateful Kelly was home he didn’t realise how much he needed the other man until he heard his voice. Matt rose to his feet and swiftly closed the distance between them, he gently placed his hands on the man’s face and pressed his lips up against his. After the kiss ended Kelly wrapped his arms around him and Matt allowed himself to melt into the warm embrace, it was the closest he had felt to calm all week. Matt rested his head in his partner’s shoulders and Kelly began carding his fingers through his hair,<br/>
“Is that my sweater?” Matt’s face broke into a cheeky grin he’d completely forgotten he was still wearing it.<br/>
“Maybe” he mumbled into the other man’s shoulder, he wasn’t ready to part from the other man yet. He felt a spark of happiness when he felt Kelly tighten his grip on him, but Matt shouldn’t have been surprised, they both knew he had a tendency to find the sweater after a particularly rough day.<br/>
“You’re not going to lose me Matt”. His stomach began to twist at those words, it was a fear that was always at the back of his mind but on this day it was impossible to ignore. It was the thought that had been playing on his mind all day. He raised his head briefly locking eyes with Kelly for a few seconds,<br/>
“Heather lost Andy”.<br/>
“Matt-“,<br/>
“I know, it’s just”, Matt pressed his head against Kelly’s shoulder again. This wasn’t the first time they’d had this conversation but it still wasn’t easy. When he was lieutenant he had always known there was a risk that one of them could get hurt. But he had always been there, if Kelly was trapped in a building he could run in after him. Now he spent his days silently begging that Boden wouldn’t turn up at his door with a solemn expression. He went through his days hoping that his was world wasn’t going to fall apart any second.<br/>
“I’m not there anymore I can’t keep you safe”<br/>
“Matt I have a good team who always look out for me”,<br/>
“So did Andy” . It had been exactly ten years since they’d lost their best friend, ten years of wondering what he did wrong. Matt’s pain had only increased after he became a father. Andy deserved to watch his boys grow up. He couldn’t imagine what Heather had been through raising two children on her own while dealing with own grief. He wouldn’t be able to do it, he knew he would never cope about Kelly. A sob escaped Matt’s throat and the  next thing he knew tears were rolling down his face, he didn’t want to lose the love of his life. As he continued to sob Kelly tightened his embrace, he didn’t say anything he simply let Matt cry which was what he had so desperately needed. Kelly was the one person he could break down in front of, the one person who had seen all of his scars both physical and mental.<br/>
“Shhh I’m here Matty, I’m here” soothed Kelly as Matt’s crying started to slow,<br/>
“I can’t raise them on my own Kel”,<br/>
“You won’t have to, I’m never going to leave you Matty”.<br/>
“You cant promise that!” Nobody could. Matt knew better than anyone how quickly life could take a turn for the worse. All they could do was savour the moments they had together and hope they’d have many more. No matter what happened one thing would never change, Matt didn’t want to live in a world without Kelly.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hope you enjoyed. Thank you for reading.</p><p>If you have any suggestions or anything you’d want me to focus on in the next one shot I’d really appreciate your ideas.</p><p>Have a brilliant day!</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi I hope you enjoyed.</p><p>Any criticism welcome.</p><p>Thank you for reading and have an awesome day.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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